Where's She Been?

 Serena Vander-Woodsen Core

I feel like a real hypocrite. I keep thinking about when I would talk about how I would always be really annoyed when others would talk about something I wasn't invited to, and here I was talking about something that some girl who sat next to us wasn't invited to. It was too late for me to change the conversation, but then again is it even too late? I should have. 

I'm a people pleaser. It doesn't feel toxic while you're doing it, it feels good. It feels like you can make yourself feel better by doing something good, but it's when you cross the line of being too involved in other people's life that you end up not caring about yourself. How do you really find the balance of being a people pleaser but having the opportunities to care and look out for yourself?

That's so self help help yourself help the help book.

I don't really know why I'm typing like this, maybe it's because this is boring history class and Amelie is making me listen to tv girl (hi amelie), but I know I said I was going to actually focus during class but this doesn't count because 1. I'm studying so much like so much! and 2. This is the most boring lesson ever and I'm too worried about HL exams to care. Me personally? Guerrilla wars are not the most interesting thing ever.

#active listening matters

But speaking of people instead of school and exams, I ended up talking to my other two friends (hi other Amelie hi Seren) about how compliments and insults can easily make or break someone. The thought of being able to impact a person so easily is terrifying. I think that's why I try to compliment people the most, because I know that I can have the opportunity to positively impact someone. Also it's because I want someone to do the same to me. 

When serial killers remember a random thing that someone once told them, that is terrifying. you could be killed in an instant for a slight offhanded comment that you might not have seen as offensive, but it could've really impacted someone's trajectory in life. But then again you could've done nothing wrong and been killed, which is terrifying. Especially when it ends up being about something related to rejection. Life shouldn't be left up to chance, but that disregards freewill. Debate topic alert.

I also blame that whole thought on the fact that my mom has been telling me about people getting murdered like almost everyday. It's like a part of my daily routine, there has to be at least one instance where my mom comes into my room to say "hey, did you hear that this girl was murdered just because she said that she didn't want to go out with this really rich dude that lived next door, so he called a hitman on her." (true story, happened yesterday)

As a way to age myself, I would just like to say how funny it is that Jamie Lee Curtis gave everyone covid at the Emmys? Like hello icon hello! (its not iconic i hope everyone is safe but its so funny just look at her smug face)

Also not Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul winning all the awards NOW like okay.